Monster
by yaoipurgatory
Summary: Song fics based off songs by t.A.T.u. This is my first Yami no Matsuei Descendants of Darkness fic. It contains dark and sexual themes. At the moment this is only a three shot(complete), more chapters might be added if more reviews and and any suggestions are given.
1. All my love

Hello my good readers. This is my first Tsusoka fic and an experiment for another Tsusoka fic, that I'll be posting later on when I have a chance. My Yu-Gi-Oh! story is on hiatus right now 'cause I don't have any ideas for it. I really love this pairing, but forgive if they're a little OOC. The story isn't that bad as the warning may seem but my next Yami no Matsuei will be more graphic in a psychological way.

**TITTLE:****Monster**

**ANIME: Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness)**

**PAIRING: Tsuzuki x Hisoka (Tsusoka)**

**SONG:****All****my****Love****by****t.A.T.u**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters nor the song, if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.**

**WARNING:****mentions ****of ****suicide, ****child ****abuse, ****mention ****of ****past ****rape ****but ****no ****details, ****a ****little ****BL ****at ****the ****end.**

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**I'm yours**_

I'm a monster. No one needed to tell me that, what human has purple eyes? The whole village thought I was a monster. Name calling, teasing, bullying, and beatings were the only thing the towns folk ever showed me. They hated me, every single one of them, except… except my big sister Ruka. Ruka loved me especially my purple eyes.

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**I'm yours**_

In death people still hated me. All of my partners left me. They didn't know I was a monster, but for some reason or another they still hated me. They didn't have to come right out and say it, their eyes told me everything. But that boy with sad angry emerald eyes, who found out about that hidden monster deep inside of me, stayed. Through thick and thin. Hisoka loved me for the monster and the child I was.

_**I regret what I said**_

_**I was scared and upset**_

_**And I made a mistake**_

_**I accept all the blame**_

_**And I lied**_

_**Sorry, forgive me**_

_**Please **_

Before I realized Hisoka loved me I made a huge mistake. I loved him so much and I wanted to protect him no matter what. I thought the only way to protect him was for him to stay far away from me. I lied to him. I told him something I would regret later on doing, "I hate you".

Muraki had got his hands on him again. Hisoka was so shaken up; I was upset at myself for letting Muraki touch Hisoka again, and I was scared that Hisoka would blame. So I told him I didn't need a worthless partner like him, that he'd only get in my way. I truly believed that Hisoka would get hurt again if he continued being my partner.

After we stopped being partners, I found out Hisoka tried killing himself. I was shocked. Hisoka isn't the type of person to do something so stupid; had the actions of Muraki's doing got to him, or was it my hurtful lies? Either way if I had been there for him, if I didn't lie, if I had told him the truth about how I felt, Hisoka wouldn't be in the infirmary under Watari's care 24/7. I blame myself and even if Hisoka doesn't, I shall always place that blame on me. Would you forgive me, Hisoka? Please !

_**And I know I betrayed**_

_**Every fault that I made**_

_**And the pain that I caused**_

_**All the promises lost **_

_**Yes I lied**_

_**Sorry forgive me**_

How many promises did I make to Hisoka? How many of them did I break? I guess too many to remember. Hisoka was hurt by all those people who betrayed him when he was living and then I had to go cause him more pain. I hated that I lied to him. I mean I didn't intend to lie to him, but I broke my promise so that's just as bad as lying. Hisoka was right; even nice people with good intentions can hurt people in the end. All those broken promises are my fault, but my biggest mistake was not being able to protect Hisoka. I'm so sorry Hisoka, forgive me.

_**Won't you please just love me**_

_**And hold me**_

_**And tell me you forgive me **_

_**Love me and hold me**_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**Won't you please forgive**_

I know I've loved Hisoka ever since I laid eyes on him. Hisoka stayed with me but never got too close. I truly did love him; I didn't just lust after him, I wanted him to love me back. If I held him I wanted him to hold me back. Maybe that was a lot to ask of a boy who was deprived of love, would Hisoka forgive me for such a stupid request. To me loving and holding someone is wonderful, but to Hisoka it's probably stupid. I'm sorry Soka-chan, can you please forgive?

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**I'm yours**_

All my life I had never known the love of another. My mother called me a monster, she told me I was worthless. She would hit me with anything she could grab; she said she wasn't going to touch a filthy monster. My father didn't love me. He tried to make me into my dead sister. He said he would love me if I did everything he told me to do. My father hated that I wasn't the _Hisoka_he wanted and loved. All I wanted was my father to love me for who I was. I belonged to him and I didn't need my mother or the maids.

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**Love me for who I am**_

_**I'm yours**_

When I was younger I loved my father, of course he didn't love me back. When Muraki raped me that sleepless night under the red moon, I was terrified but I had finally been wanted by someone. I had hoped, maybe even a little, that he loved me; obviously he didn't. he only wanted to use me like my father. But… but finally in death someone cared about me even though he didn't have too. He didn't pity me. He knew about my powers but didn't hate me nor think I was a monster. He found out a lot about me and no matter what, Tsuzuki loved everything about me.

_**I regret what I said**_

_**I was scared and upset**_

_**And I've made a mistake**_

_**I accept all the blame**_

_**And I lied**_

_**Sorry, forgive me please**_

Having no contact with the outside world and being surrounded by people who hate and despise you, made me distrust everybody. I had no social skills which led to having a disadvantage in death, working with a partner was hard. I was scared to work with people and upset I got stuck with an idiot as a partner. Looking back I probably caused a lot of problems with the other shinigami especially when involving Muraki. When Tsuzuki got captured and hurt by Muraki, I blamed myself; if I had been stronger I could have protected him. Tsuzuki wanted to kill himself. What would bring him to the point of breaking? Why didn't I see it coming? No, I saw the sadness behind those fake smiles and the painful emotions he tried to keep from me. I wonder did I help any bit or just cause him more pain? I regret all those lies I told him. Tsuzuki was an idiot and he tried to get close to me. I was scared and upset so I called him names and hit him to protect myself. Oh how that was a mistake. I wanted to be loved but I was afraid so I distanced myself by being unsocial, mean, and cold. Tsuzuki-san please forgive me.

_**And I know I betrayed**_

_**Every fault that I made**_

_**And the pain that I caused**_

_**All the promises lost**_

_**Yes I lied**_

_**Sorry, forgive me**_

I was so stupid to think Tsuzuki and I would be together as partners forever. After Tsuzuki said those hurtful things I just had to run way. Tsuzuki-san said he didn't want to be partners anymore, but that we could still be friends. Even though I told him I would be his reasons for living, back in Kyoto; that was my promise to him, but leaving made me a liar. I betrayed not only him but also myself. My fault was leaving him my home. I couldn't be alone anymore. When did I become so dependant on Tsuzuki? Before I met him I wanted to be alone, independent of people. I loved Tsuzuki-san, no I still love him so why, why did I cause him so much pain? I only wanted to end my pain by taking my life. I'm sorry for everything Tsuzuki, forgive me.

_**Won't you please just love me**_

_**And hold me**_

_**And tell me you forgive me**_

_**Love me and hold me**_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**Won't you please forgive**_

When I woke up, I found myself in the infirmary. The light from above was blinding. My arm was stiff, for the reason that my partner was sleeping on it with his chocolate hair matted to his forehead and my left arm. Why was he here and why does it look like he was crying? Looking at him, I just wanted to wake him up and tell him 'I'm sorry!' I could feel he was worried about me. 'Tsuzuki, please love me and hold me. Tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me you love me. Tell me you forgive my stupidity.

"Hisoka? You're awake!", Tsuzuki-san cried out, which startled me.

"Ts-Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki-san I'm sorry! I was stupid, I just didn't know what to do.", I started crying. I wanted to hug him but what if he hated me.

Tsuzuki wrapped his muscular arms around me and held me tight. The emotions of worry, happiness, relief, and guilt all swirled around me, as they radiated off Tsuzuki. "Shh, it's okay. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I lied when I said those things before. I wanted you to be safe and I thought he only way you'd be safe if you were away from me. I know your heart has been broken many times, but if you could, can you still forgive a person like me."

Tears kept falling down. This idiot, of course I could still forgive him. "Baka! I love you, I will always forgive you just please hold me.", I squeezes him tighter, if that was even possible by now: I didn't want to let him go in fear he would be disgusted and reject me. I mean I did just profess my love for him, who was another man.

"Hisoka, thank you. Don't worry I'll never let go", Tsuzuki smiled at me. " and I love you too." He said as he placed a light kiss on my forehead and wiped away my tears. All I could do was smile at him, while he smiled back.

I finally finished this. I've got faster at typing a little, I think. Anyways how was it? It wasn't too bad was it? I tried to do something dark, but like I said I have another Tsusoka story which is longer and darker (well in my opinion) but that won't be up until I finish typing it so it might take a while. I hoped you guys enjoyed it, I don't like bad things to happen to characters I love but everybody suffers sadly. Oh, as you might notice I kind of wrote more for Hisoka than Tsuzuki, that was not on purpose. I just can get more into Hisoka's position than I can with Tsuzuki. So please R&R! Also t.A.T.u is awesome and I'm not sure if I should add my other Tsusoka story with this one, cause the other one also has a t.A.T.u song but I want to make it a multi chapter story and this one is a one shot so let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again my readers.

I want to thank all of you who have read Monster. Sorry for my grammar mistakes in the first chapter. This fan fiction will have 3 different one shots, well that's how many I've decided to do so far. As you've seen I have one up. I've been typing the second one up which is longer than the first chapter, and the third one I'm writing out. At the moment I cannot find my flash drive with the second chapter so yeah, but I will find it. I know I have it somewhere in my room, and I was hoping to type more up today during lunch, but that won't be possible. Anyway these one shots are not connected but I kind of use a similar theme/ideas in them, I'm probably not making any sense but you'll see when there posted. But anyways I hope I get the second chapter posted soon and if I make more tsusoka one shots I'll post them in this story too. All I can say is that each one shot is a songfic using all t.A.T.u songs.

~Yaoi Purgatory


	3. Hisoka

**AN: These chapters do not correspond with each other. This chapter is much darker. If you do not like what is in the warning please do not read this. If you don't mind or aren't bothered because you know this is only fiction then please read and enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei, nor do I own the characters. **

**TITLE: Hisoka**

**ANIME: Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness)**

**PAIRINGS: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Past and (sort of) one-sided Nagare/Hisoka**

**WARNINGS: child abuse, child molestation, mental/emotional abuse, psychological problems, incest, yaoi; I do not support these things (besides yaoi/homosexuality) this story came from my really disturbed mind and imagination.**

**SONG: How Soon is Now? By t.A.T.u**

_**I am the son and the heir**_

_**Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar**_

_**I am the son and the heir**_

_**Of nothing in particular**_

Nagare Kurosaki, head of the of the Kurosaki clan. I, Hisoka Kurosaki, the son of Nagare, was heir to the Kurosaki clan. To many being the heir of the Kurosaki family would have meant a strong person with great talents and skills. To me it was pleasing my father in any way I could. To my father I was just his puppet that would lead my family and gain his curse. To my mother I was a monster who didn't deserve my father's attention nor deserve to be heir.

As the future head of the family, I should have felt powerful and in control but my parents made me feel worthless, filthy, and powerless. My father said he loved me, though as he looked at me he wasn't seeing me, he saw my sister, the real Hisoka. I was just an imposter. My father wanted me to be her, so I inherited her name and I was raised as a girl. I wanted to be loved by my father. That's all a child wants. I did whatever I could to get my father's approval, his love; of course I never felt the emotion of love from my father, but just hearing my father whisper the words 'I love you' I felt so happy even if I knew it was a lie. When he lightly brushed his fingers against my skin he wasn't touching _me_ out of love, he was touching my sister. But those late nights when everybody was asleep, when he touched me in places where he didn't touch me during the day, he saw the actual me. Still his touch was not out of love as he forced my lips upon his manhood, but out of lust. I hated myself; not for letting him do those things because he told me to let him, but because I wanted him to do those things because I craved his touch, his affection, his approval. I craved his love to the point of hating myself. Only after those long nights did I feel happy. During the day I felt sick and extremely lonely. I loved when father saw me and kissed me, though I hated it when father searched for "her" in me. Every day I would die a little bit more inside, I just wanted to hide away from father because I wasn't good enough for him. I hated myself for the sole purpose I was only an imitation, a replica of what my father wanted. I hated myself because I didn't know who I was; because I, as myself, was no one.

_**You shut your mouth**_

_**How can you say**_

_**I go about things the wrong way**_

_**I am human and I need to be loved**_

_**Just like everybody else does**_

My father would always ask me "how can a filthy monster like you be such a beautiful boy?" of course I didn't respond, I didn't know how. And every morning he would say "Be a good little monster" and I would respond with an okay. I believed everything my father told me and I did everything he said, I didn't question him; I didn't hate him. Now though… now I realize how wrong he was. I wasn't a monster, I wasn't filthy, and for sure I wasn't my sister and I will never be those things. Today if I could see my father I would yell at him and prove him wrong. How could a father tell his own child he was a monster and that his "special talent" weren't human. A father should never say anything like that to his family. I am human, well I was, before I died. But either way I wanted to be loved, I needed to be loved but my father never did. I craved to be loved just like other people. I had never felt my father love anyone, well any living. I think he loved his first wife, my aunt, Kanase and my older sister, Hisoka, but besides them no one else, not even my own mother, she was just another replacement to fill in my father's life. When I think about it who was wrong, my father or I?

_**I am the son and the heir**_

_**Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar**_

_**I am the son and the heir**_

_**Of nothing particular**_

My mother, Rui Kurosaki, priestess and the second wife of my father. When I was little I hated my mother. I wanted to love her and be loved by her but she did no such thing. In her eyes I was an obstacle to my father's heart. Foolish women, how could she not see what we really were to father; just tools of his and figure heads of the Kurosaki family to the town. I tried to gain my mother's affection but she wouldn't have it. I was a monster and not her child. My mother would never touch me, only glare at me with her piercing black eyes; but she would speak to me everyday. She would tell me I was worthless, that a monster like me deserved to live a horrible, lonely, painful life in darkness with no pity or love. She also said that no one loved me; everybody hates me, especially father. Since she never touched me, because I was a filthy monster who might turn her evil, she would grab objects and hit or throw them at me, if she didn't have an object then she would wrap her hand around the sleeve of her kimono and smack me; she would then have the maids burn the kimono. When I used my empathy she not only locked me in the basement cellar but beat me with a whip. She would laugh at my misery. When I cried out in pain she would whip me harder, so after many beatings I stopped crying and would yell that I was a demon for not crying at the pain. I just wanted to run away from her, from that house, from myself. I would be the head of the almighty, powerful, and feared Kurosaki family. I was trained in aikido, kyudo, kendo, judo, and naginata; yet my mother made me feel everything she said I was. In my mother's presence I was weak, helpless, and useless. I was somebody and nobody, I was something and nothing, I was a heir of everything and nothing in particular. I hated everything about me especially my body. Even when I was alive I healed faster than most humans, not as fast as I do now, but still abnormally fast. My mother found this out and she laughed hysterically at me, pointing at me, yelling, "Fiend! You're an oni, you evil little bastard. Look at you. Your cuts healed over night. Not like I really care though, but now you have no proof I did anything to you, not liked it matter even if you had said something no one would believe you, you a monster!". Of course my father found out, stupid maids gossiping. After that my father stopped touching me for a while and looked at me with disgust. Father did start touching me again, but not as much. I wanted my life to end; how could I continue my life in this body. This body that I was so ashamed of, but at the same time vulgar enough to let my father do as he pleased with it cause my body didn't belong to me no matter how hard I wanted it to, it belonged to my father. As Muraki was Tsubaki-hime's devil disguised as an angel, my father was my savior but was also a devil in disguised

_**You shut your mouth**_

_**How can you say**_

_**I go about things the wrong way**_

_**I am human and I need to be loved**_

_**Just like everyone else does**_

My father would physically and emotionally torture and abuse me. My mother would mentally abuse and torture me. My mother blamed me for everything bad that happened in the house, to the family or that happened to her. When my parents got into fights it was my fault because I was born. If the town's people were unhappy it was because I cursed them. If the maids didn't do their job/chores it was because I was in the way or cause I was a dirt little monster. Things were always my fault even though 95% of the time it had nothing to do with me. Whatever I did I was wrong, or it was wrong. Every other word out of my mother's mouth was monster this, monster that, or this is your fault or look what you did wrong. I listened to her but I didn't always believe her because father told me not to, though she continued to say those hurtful lies. I had believed that those words and phrases were truths back then, now I know for sure they were lies. I wanted to know why I was a monster but I was too afraid to ask my mother. I wanted to know why it was always my fault, why I was bad, why… why everybody hated me and why no one loved or would love me. How could a mother say those hurtful things to her own child? Isn't a mother supposed to be the closest thing to her own child and vice versa? I just wanted to be loved; just like every child does. Children love their parents and they want their parent's attention, affection, and love; who wouldn't want those things from a parent, family member, or loved one. I was never loved by my mother or the maids. They hated me, that's probably why I can't stand women , I don't even want the love of any female because of what _they_ did, if I'm a monster it's because of them. I'm a loveless gynophobic because of _her!_

_**There's a club if you'd like to go you**_

_**Could meet somebody who really loves you**_

_**So you go, and you stand on your own and**_

_**You leave on your own and you go home**_

_**And you cry and you want to die**_

I love Tsuzuki-san, hell I've always known that but I could never admit it. How could I tell a male adult, that I admired but treated like shit, that I was in love with him? Tsuzuki couldn't possibly love a bratty unsocial boy like me. I was mean and cold to him; he could have anyone he wanted so he couldn't love me. Tsuzuki-san was an immature adult who loved sweets, gardening, and sewing, whose personality was happy go lucky while he hid his true sadness behind those fake smiles and that compulsive lying. While I was a mature teenager who tries to act tough to hide my weakness, hate, sadness, loneliness, anger, and pain. I love being alone while Tsuzuki loves crowds; I hate sweets, being outside, and smiling, so I'm always frowning and being blunt with the truth. Tsuzuki-san is so strong while I'm so weak. Tsuzuki and I are total opposites and that's why we could never be together and that's why Tsuzuki will never love me the way I love him. In death again, I wanted, I craved, I needed to be loved so I would search anywhere for that affection. I was so stupid since Tsuzuki gave me that and more, but I was afraid of getting hurt by the one I loved most, so instead I searched for those needs in stranger where I wouldn't get hurt. I went to clubs to face my issues with crowds and I met a ton of people who I could of have a nice fuck with but my fear of sex was too strong so every time I would come home alone and all those negative emotions from the past would bubble back up to the surface and I would just break down and cry. I wish I would die a true death already, of course I couldn't; Tsuzuki needed me, I had a promise to keep, no matter how much I wished for death.

_**When you say it's gonna happen "now"**_

_**When exactly do you mean? See I've already**_

_**Waited too long and all my hope is gone**_

In Meifu, all the shinigami were nice to me. They would encourage me and compliment me; always saying I was cute and that I could make any man or women fall head over heels in love with me. Ha! If it was only that easy, I wouldn't have father issues and I would have Tsuzuki in my arms and bed not within my grasp but out of reach. In death I hoped for a better life with love and without loneliness. I hoped to find my murderer, and now that I have I wish to get my revenge by killing him. My will to go on is dwindling. I hang by a thin thread of revenge and a promise. I want to get stronger; not only for myself but also to protect Tsuzuki-san, from himself and my reason for revenge. Tsuzuki-san said I would get stronger soon if u wasn't already. I didn't see the difference in my strength or spiritual energy. Tsuzuki could have just been saying that to be nice, but I truly wanted to believe him that I was getting stronger. I can't wait anymore, I need to get stronger. I've waited long enough; I need to get stronger soon because I think I'm getting weaker. I'm starting to cling again; first my father now to Tsuzuki-san. I've craved the love of my father; now I want Tsuzuki to love me, I need Tsuzuki to care for me, I crave his attention and affection, and I would love Tsuzuki to need and want me in the same way I need and want him. I know I should probably hope to get stronger and hope for Tsuzuki-san to love me back. I can't hope anymore, I can't wish, I have no will to go on or do these things. I thought all my hope was gone but I guess Tsuzuki gives me hope, but also his hope is my hope and mine is his. I know that's corny but I need to believe in that even if it's just a little bit longer until I'm stronger, to stop clinging, to stop crying, to stop acting strong, to stop believing in false hope, and to finally find my real self and be true to my heart.

_**You shut your mouth**_

_**How can you say**_

_**I go about things the wrong way**_

_**I am human and I need to be loved**_

_**Just like everybody else does**_

"You're a monster!" yelled my father throwing me into the cell in the basement. "You're no child of mine!" screamed my mother with a disgusted look on her face.

"I'm sorry mother, I'm sorry father. I promise I'll be a good boy. I won't ever do it again!" I cried something, anything that would make my parents lessen as tears rolled down my flushed face stinging my eyes. I gripped at the cold steel bars until my knuckles turned white. I lost all control in my knees and dropped; everything in sight started to blur as the salty clung to my long black eyelashes. Such a horrible way to fall asleep, a pain in my heart with tear stained cheeks on a cold floor.

I woke up with the same feelings from my dream and dried up tears on my face and pillow. If I didn't have a nightmare of the night I got rapped, I have nightmare of my childhood.

"_You're a monster! You're not my child!"_

"Shut the hell up! Who the hell are you to say I'm wrong, that I'm a monster! If anything you two, the people I call parents are the monsters. I am human; no one can tell me otherwise. I need to be loved just like any other human!" I yelled to no one, but my cries were meant for my parents. I threw my covers off for the heat became unbearable and I was sweating hard. I stumbled into the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror above the white marble sink. _'__MONSTER__'_

Crack! I punched the mirror; little cracks surrounding my palm. Glass shards were stuck to my fist and some had fallen into the sink. Red fluid flowed down my hand dripping off my wrist landing on the floor as I took my hand off the shattered mirror with more shards falling by my bare feet this time. I started picking the pieces of glass out of the side of my palm so the gashes could heal, in seconds my cuts closed and left no mark behind. I looked at the sink and the floor which held the only evidence that I had hurt myself. I glanced back at the mirror and yanked a huge piece of broken glass, cutting my fingers in the process but they healed in a millisecond. I placed the tip to my wrist;_no__one__loves__or__cares__for__me,__they__wish__I__would__leave__them__alone.__I__'__m__a__monster,__I__deserve__to__die.__Then__maybe__everyone__could__be__happy__and__Tsuzuki__wouldn__'__t__have__to__worry__anymore._

I pressed the glass into my wrist watching the droplets of blood fall on my pants; the stinging pain came first, but then a pleasurable sensation. I made a few more light cuts on that arm, then moved to the left arm and made deeper gashes. The pain on my arm took away the pain in my heart, but not the ache in my soul.

I was in such a trance I didn't realize Tsuzuki had entered my house or the bathroom until he grabbed my arm and the glass shard.

"What the hell are you doing? Hisoka you're not an idiot like me, why are you harming yourself like this?" Tsuzuki yelled as he threw the broken glass I was holding in the trash, which shattered into tiny little pieces like crystal snow, and raised my bleeding arm that had already started healing leaving no traces of my actions.

"What the fuck gives you the right to talk to me like that Tsuzuki-san! Stop yelling at me! I didn't yell at you when you tried to kill yourself in Touda's flames" I cried out chocking on a sob that was building in the back of my throat. I bit my lip to hold back my cries and tears. The salty liquid was starting to burn my eyes and the ache in my chest multiplied by a hundred.

Tsuzuki was taken back in surprise, but then he looked at me so sadly and I could feel his guilt and comfort wash over me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his face in my hair. I shivered from the feel of his warm breathe on the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry Soka-can. I didn't mean to yell I was just upset. Why? Why did you try to kill yourself? I thought you promised to be my reason for living? If you die what will I have to live for?" Tsuzuki asked in that sweet voice of his. Kindness melded with his words. He pressed the rest of his body against mine in fear I would runaway. It was a good idea because I too was afraid of running away without truly wanting or knowing of.

"I'm a monster Tsuzuki. I wanted to end my pain and the pain I caused others. I was hoping that if I died you would be happier." I chocked on my words letting a few tears slip through my closed eyes. I clawed at his shirt so I wouldn't completely break down.

"Hisoka you are not a monster and why would you think ending your life would make me happier?" he asked confused, looking into my eyes for answers. Looking up into his amethyst orbs made my want to let my tears flow and cuddle into his chest while he would whisper '_It__'__s__going__to__be__okay__'_ in my ear.

"I've caused you so much trouble Tsuzuki-san, it would be better if I was gone." I said letting out the sobs and cries I had been hold in my throat, turning away not wanting Tsuzuki to see my face.

"If anything Hisoka, I'm the one who caused you problems and besides my life would really suck without you. It's not like you to care if you hurt me or not." Tsuzuki stated with a soft smile gracing his lips.

"Of course I've cared if I've hurt you before, I just didn't show it because I was afraid of you finding I was in love with you-" I blurted out, suddenly realizing what I just said. I clamped my hands over my mouth; I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki gasped looking at me flabbergasted. My life was totally ruined. Tsuzuki was gonna think I was a child clinging to the closest adult or a horny teenager trying to get into his pants. I had to get away now! I pushed Tsuzuki off of me and moved to run out the door, just as Tsuzuki grabbed my arm. I winced at the contact, even if the cuts healed the pain still resided there.

"You're in love with me! Since when?" Tsuzuki asked his voice begging for an answer and his face written with confusion. He didn't give that pleading puppy dog look, but a serious one.

"Yeah and for awhile now I guess." I nodded keeping my eyes away from his. I couldn't look into his eyes in case they were to shoe disgust or rejection.

"I love you too." He said calmly.

"What!" I whipped my head up to look at him not believing my ears. I felt no pity from him only love, affection, happiness, relief, and want.

Before I could get my answer from him he crashed his lips against mine. I could taste chocolate and cream off his perfect lips. He smiled into the kiss so I smiled with him, letting my tears fall but not out of sadness but of pure happiness.

"Tsuzuki?" I spoke first when the kiss was done. I had so many questions in my head.

"Soka, I know you're probably confused but let's talk later. I can see you're not getting a lot of rest, so let us sleep for now." He kissed me again and I just nodded as it's true I wasn't sleeping well, with nightmare plaguing my dreams, but this time I would sleep in the comfort of Tsuzuki's strong arms that were holding my back and the nape of my neck

**Finally ****I ****finished ****typing ****this. ****Well ****I ****want ****to ****apologize ****for ****this ****being ****posted ****later ****than ****I ****expected. ****It ****would ****have ****been ****posted ****two ****weeks ****ago, ****but ****for ****a ****whole ****week ****I ****had ****to ****work ****on ****my ****engineering ****project ****and ****last ****week ****the ****quarter ****ended ****so ****I ****didn****'****t ****have ****a ****lot ****of ****school ****which ****meant ****less ****time ****typing. ****Anyways ****I ****hope ****you ****guys ****enjoyed ****this ****one. ****I****'****m ****still ****working ****on ****the ****next ****one ****in ****line ****but ****I****'****m ****kinda ****in ****a ****slump ****for ****it,****so ****it ****might ****not ****be ****posted ****right ****away****R&R ****please!****Oh ****also ****the ****next ****song ****for ****the ****next ****chapter ****is**** '****Show ****me ****love****' ****by ****t.A.T.u.****(duh)** **and ****if ****you ****guys ****have ****request ****for ****other ****songs ****by ****them ****please ****let ****me ****know ****to ****see ****if ****I ****can ****make ****something ****out ****of ****it.**


	4. Loneliness and Love

AN: Is anyone reading this story? But yeah, so this is the third chapter. This will probably be the last unless people review or if I get inspired by more t.A.T.u songs. I'm sorry this took so long. I had stopped half way through because I got busy and then I had a writers block. I then finished a while ago, but I just finished typing it now. I'm posting this chapter on tumblr because my psychoshipping story was taken down, sorry for any inconvenience.

**TITLE: Loneliness and Love.**

**SONG: Show Me Love by t.A.T.u **

**ANIME: Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness)**

**PAIRING: Tsusoka (Tsuzuki x Hisoka)**

**WARNING: Adult themes, mentions of past abuse, mentions of incest, molestation, and rape. Homosexual themes (yaoi)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own this anime, the characters, or the song. They belong to their respected owners. This is work of my imagination (I know it's messed up) I do not support child abuse, rape, sexual molestation, but I do support homosexuality.**

**here is the link for this chapter: post/39078345848/tsusoka-3-drabble-t-a-t-u-song-fic-last-chap**


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